Administration on Aging Lauds Subway for Preparing Americans for Diminished Taste in Old Age
America- The Administration on Aging (AOA) is applauding Subway sandwich shops for effectively preparing Americans for the loss of taste that comes in old age. A new report says that Subway's bland, tasteless subs are just what Americans need to understand what food will taste like for them when they get older.
“Bite into a subway sub, and you feel perfectly underwhelmed,” says Michael Jennings, spokesman for the AOA. The bread is bland, the meat is bland. This is exactly what food tastes like for seniors, and that is why we would like to thank Subway for preparing younger Americans for what's in their food tasting future.”
Morty Levinson, 80, says Subway subs truly benefited him as he made his transition to old age. “I grew up in the city, eating extremely delicious deli sandwiches. But I knew as I got older, I wouldn't be able to experience sandwiches in the same way. I wanted to know what I was in for. A friend suggested that I get a sub from Subway and I did. I got a six inch Cold Cut Combo, and it was just what I needed to understand life with dulled tastebuds. Apparently, everything will taste like egg cartons covered in mayo.”
Jennings says the secret of Subway's success at helping people prepare their tastebuds for old age is the non-fresh ingredients. "Subways slogan is “eat fresh,” but fortunately this is only meant ironically. The meat and bread in these subs are brimming with artificial ingredients like preservatives and processing aids. This imbues subway subs with that special flavorlessness that has people saying “aha! this is what it's like to be an old person with no sense of taste.”
The AOA will present subway with its annual Tasteless Choice Award this February. Attendees will be treated to Subway's latest senior taste simulating specialty the Spicy Fajta sub, which simulates the taste experience of being a Senior citizen vacationing south of the border.
“Bite into a subway sub, and you feel perfectly underwhelmed,” says Michael Jennings, spokesman for the AOA. The bread is bland, the meat is bland. This is exactly what food tastes like for seniors, and that is why we would like to thank Subway for preparing younger Americans for what's in their food tasting future.”
Morty Levinson, 80, says Subway subs truly benefited him as he made his transition to old age. “I grew up in the city, eating extremely delicious deli sandwiches. But I knew as I got older, I wouldn't be able to experience sandwiches in the same way. I wanted to know what I was in for. A friend suggested that I get a sub from Subway and I did. I got a six inch Cold Cut Combo, and it was just what I needed to understand life with dulled tastebuds. Apparently, everything will taste like egg cartons covered in mayo.”
Jennings says the secret of Subway's success at helping people prepare their tastebuds for old age is the non-fresh ingredients. "Subways slogan is “eat fresh,” but fortunately this is only meant ironically. The meat and bread in these subs are brimming with artificial ingredients like preservatives and processing aids. This imbues subway subs with that special flavorlessness that has people saying “aha! this is what it's like to be an old person with no sense of taste.”
The AOA will present subway with its annual Tasteless Choice Award this February. Attendees will be treated to Subway's latest senior taste simulating specialty the Spicy Fajta sub, which simulates the taste experience of being a Senior citizen vacationing south of the border.