Local Runner Invites Neighborhood to Gamboree
Yesterday morning everyone in the vicinity of Lake Road between Spruce and Elm street was invited to attend Mike Pratt's tri-weekly Gamboree. Hosted by 42 Spruce street resident and neighborhood runner Mike Pratt, the Gamboree began as always when Pratt came outside just before 10 a.m. in short running shorts.
Parading his tasty gams down Spruce and then Lake and Elm, The Gamboree lasted for about a half hour.
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Parading his tasty gams down Spruce and then Lake and Elm, The Gamboree lasted for about a half hour.
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Ben Shapiro Seeks Treatment for Deflector's Elbow
After a particularly strenuous rhetorical match with co-panelist Malcolm Nance on the Bill Maher show this week, conservative pundit and On-TV Intellectual Player Ben Shapiro was forced to seek medical care for a serious case of deflector’s elbow. Common to pundits and small children at playgrounds, deflector’s elbow is a pain in the psyche caused by overuse of the deflection muscle in the brain.
“The mind knows that deflection is a weak and pathetic strategy to defend distorted, misleading or reductionist claims" said Shapiro's doctor. "If you do this enough, your psyche, or soul (if you prefer), will start to suffer and there will likely be long-term effects." Read More
“The mind knows that deflection is a weak and pathetic strategy to defend distorted, misleading or reductionist claims" said Shapiro's doctor. "If you do this enough, your psyche, or soul (if you prefer), will start to suffer and there will likely be long-term effects." Read More
Fatally Wounded Black Teen Doesn't Rise for Anthem, Sparks Outrage
Baltimore-- Tyrone Wilson, 17, of Baltimore, sparked ourtrage Sunday when he wouldn't rise for the National Anthem while dying on the ground at a Ravens game. The boy was shot from behind by a police officer who mistook the boy's can of Pepsi for a gun. As the boy lay dying in a pool of his own blood, a singer began singing the national anthem. White onlookers were outraged at Wilson, who did not stand for the anthem but lay there crying and pleading for help from the ground.
"Stand up. Have some respect," one man shouted at the scared, blood-soaked young man. "This is about your freedom. Don't you love freedom?"
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"Stand up. Have some respect," one man shouted at the scared, blood-soaked young man. "This is about your freedom. Don't you love freedom?"
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Wind Chill Advisory for Greater Boss's Area Until 5 p.m.
Today's forecast is calling for extremely cold temperature in and around local print shop owner, Natalie Brewer's office. A wind chill advisory went into effect early this morning and will remain in effect until 5 p.m. Workers are cautioned to, if possible, avoid traveling in the vicinity of Brewer's office today, as temperatures around Brewer's office could drop to as low as negative 30 degrees. If workers do need to visit Brewer's office, they are cautioned to dress appropriately, not leaving any skin exposed to the bitter cold and harsh frigid winds enveloping the region of Brewer's office. Read More
Benefit to Save Endangered Male Ego Announced
NYC– The Society of Patriarchy Enabling Women (SPEW!) will be holding a benefit in June to help protect the extremely vulnerable Male Ego.
“We are deeply concerned with the harm that is being done to the delicate, precious little creature, the Male Ego, said SPEW! spokeswoman, Ivanna B. Stepptallhover. This ego is quite vulnerable and we must do everything in our power to protect it. It is our duty as caring, devoted and subjugated women.”
Stepptallhover says that the biggest threat facing the Male Ego today is independent women who speak their mind. Read More
“We are deeply concerned with the harm that is being done to the delicate, precious little creature, the Male Ego, said SPEW! spokeswoman, Ivanna B. Stepptallhover. This ego is quite vulnerable and we must do everything in our power to protect it. It is our duty as caring, devoted and subjugated women.”
Stepptallhover says that the biggest threat facing the Male Ego today is independent women who speak their mind. Read More
New Drug Treats Fear of Pharmaceutical Drugs
There could be hope for people who suffer from bigpharmaphobia, or "an intense fear of pharmaceutical drugs," in the form of a new pharmaceutical drug by Pfizer. The drug, Pharmaforu, may help treat this rare mental illness which is characterized by an abnormal nervous system response to the mention, sight, smell or taste of prescription drugs.
Bigpharmaphobics, who constitute one percent of the population, are prone to extreme reactions to pharmaceuticals, including Viagra-joke induced panic attacks and delusions of being followed by pill bottles with arms and legs. Read More.
Bigpharmaphobics, who constitute one percent of the population, are prone to extreme reactions to pharmaceuticals, including Viagra-joke induced panic attacks and delusions of being followed by pill bottles with arms and legs. Read More.
Red Herring Population All But Decimated Due to Preponderance of Network Crime Drama Spin-offs, Conservationists Warn
Marine Conservationists are warning that red herring population has been almost entirely wiped out by Network Crime Dramas like "Law and Order," "CSI," and their many spin-off series.
"In the past, there were only a few Crime Dramas, so not too may red herrings were being used. But now, with this dramatic rise in Spin-off series, the demand for red herrings has increased exponentially." Read More
"In the past, there were only a few Crime Dramas, so not too may red herrings were being used. But now, with this dramatic rise in Spin-off series, the demand for red herrings has increased exponentially." Read More