FEMA Mixup: Mayor of Baltimore Calls in Future English Majors of America to Evacuate Flooded City
Baltimore – A tragic mishap has potentially cost lives in Baltimore after the mayor called the wrong FEMA to help evacuate residents from the worst flood in the city's history.
“We wanted the Federal Emergency Management Agency. We got the Future English Majors of America," said Mayor Michael Andicott ruefully.
While the Federal Emergency Management Agency is trained to handle large scale crises, the Future English Majors of America is a social and academic network for 12-18 year-olds designed to “promote the future study of literature at the collegiate level.”
“We're a fantastic little organization with a lot of pluck,” said FEMA director Jill Hastings. “5,000 strong and growing. We host readathons and literary themed dinners and every year we have a big celebration for Shakespeare's birthday, Immortal Bard Day. It's a hoot.”
Needless to say, none of this prepared the group of a dozen Baltimore area teenagers for what they encountered when they got to Baltimore: a city under water and residents running out of time.
“They were severely under-prepared for what they came in to,” said Baltimore Fire Chief, Joel Sandelman. “We had people on roofs, and they were asking which way to Edgar Allen Poe's house.”
Jackson Peters, 81, tried to receive some help from his porch. He felt relieved when he saw a man in a FEMA jacket wading toward him. As his would-be savior approached, he saw it was a very young man, not older than 16, with a messenger bag and hipster glasses.
“I knew something wasn't right. He didn't have a life vest for me. All he had was a copy of The Stranger and some funky looking notepads. He comes up to me. I ask him for help. He says some strange mumbo jumbo about a tide in the affairs of men, which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune.' I say, can you lead me on to safety.” He just looks at me and says, 'Come on: Julius Caesar? Nothing?' Scoffs and walks away.'” Peters was rescued earlier this evening by the other FEMA.
Jessica Hernendez, 68, had a similar experience: “This young girl. She sees me on the roof. Then I see her peer in my living room window. She calls out to her friend 'Oh, God, Ashley, we have to do something quickly.' They rush into my living room and when they come back, they're carrying out all of my books. And then they just start rushing down the street."
“We had people on the verge of death,” said Henrietta Tellerman, Baltimore Chief of police. And all they could do is make bad flood puns and caw 'Nevermore' at each other. Finally, we had to give them fake addresses for an open espresso bar to get them to go out there and do something.”
Katherine Ingolsen, a 15-year-old FEMA member, said that from her perspective, things could not have gone better.
“Though I couldn't save any lives, I have some terrific images now: an elderly man holding out his trembling, weathered hand, his resplendent green eyes wide like owls, pleading voice brittle like plexiglass'-- this is going to make one hell of a poem.”
This is not the first time there has been confusion between the FEMAs. During a major New England ice storm a few years ago, a group of Future English Majors from the Boston area showed up thinking they were going to some kind of “Fire and Ice” Festival. There has also been confusion relating to Future English Majors of America's training sessions called EMTS.
“We wanted the Federal Emergency Management Agency. We got the Future English Majors of America," said Mayor Michael Andicott ruefully.
While the Federal Emergency Management Agency is trained to handle large scale crises, the Future English Majors of America is a social and academic network for 12-18 year-olds designed to “promote the future study of literature at the collegiate level.”
“We're a fantastic little organization with a lot of pluck,” said FEMA director Jill Hastings. “5,000 strong and growing. We host readathons and literary themed dinners and every year we have a big celebration for Shakespeare's birthday, Immortal Bard Day. It's a hoot.”
Needless to say, none of this prepared the group of a dozen Baltimore area teenagers for what they encountered when they got to Baltimore: a city under water and residents running out of time.
“They were severely under-prepared for what they came in to,” said Baltimore Fire Chief, Joel Sandelman. “We had people on roofs, and they were asking which way to Edgar Allen Poe's house.”
Jackson Peters, 81, tried to receive some help from his porch. He felt relieved when he saw a man in a FEMA jacket wading toward him. As his would-be savior approached, he saw it was a very young man, not older than 16, with a messenger bag and hipster glasses.
“I knew something wasn't right. He didn't have a life vest for me. All he had was a copy of The Stranger and some funky looking notepads. He comes up to me. I ask him for help. He says some strange mumbo jumbo about a tide in the affairs of men, which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune.' I say, can you lead me on to safety.” He just looks at me and says, 'Come on: Julius Caesar? Nothing?' Scoffs and walks away.'” Peters was rescued earlier this evening by the other FEMA.
Jessica Hernendez, 68, had a similar experience: “This young girl. She sees me on the roof. Then I see her peer in my living room window. She calls out to her friend 'Oh, God, Ashley, we have to do something quickly.' They rush into my living room and when they come back, they're carrying out all of my books. And then they just start rushing down the street."
“We had people on the verge of death,” said Henrietta Tellerman, Baltimore Chief of police. And all they could do is make bad flood puns and caw 'Nevermore' at each other. Finally, we had to give them fake addresses for an open espresso bar to get them to go out there and do something.”
Katherine Ingolsen, a 15-year-old FEMA member, said that from her perspective, things could not have gone better.
“Though I couldn't save any lives, I have some terrific images now: an elderly man holding out his trembling, weathered hand, his resplendent green eyes wide like owls, pleading voice brittle like plexiglass'-- this is going to make one hell of a poem.”
This is not the first time there has been confusion between the FEMAs. During a major New England ice storm a few years ago, a group of Future English Majors from the Boston area showed up thinking they were going to some kind of “Fire and Ice” Festival. There has also been confusion relating to Future English Majors of America's training sessions called EMTS.