Man Suffers from Seasonal Affected Disorder
If you were to have asked Joel Harris’s friends last month what they thought of him, they would have said Joe was “down-to-earth," the kind of guy you can just chill with. But in the past few weeks, Harris’s friends have noticed a nasty shift in Harris's disposition. Friends say New Joel has deemed all of their favorite movies "derivative" and all of their favorite bands "digital cheese whiz." He has told friends if they want to talk to him, they can forget about using anything with an algorithm and that they are never to disturb him when he is "absorbed in the classics."
“It’s like one minute he’s cool with watching the Avengers movies,” says Jake, a close friend, “and now he won’t stop talking about the Duplass brothers. If he mentions the Puffy Chair”one more time, I’m going to punch him."
The reason Harris’s friends are noticing such a dramatic change in Joel’s behavior is that Harris is suffering from Seasonal Affected Disorder. Affecting about 3% of the population, Seasonal Affected Disorder or (SAD) temporarily turns typically likeable people like Harris into insufferable turdwads bent on proving their superiority.
Amy Hopper is another SAD sufferer. Her roommate Jen noticed a change a week and a half ago when she found Amy skimming through The Fodor’s Guide to London. Jen asked whether hopper was planning a trip, to which hopper responded,” Well, you’re a right perceptive bird, innit?”
“The slang was endearing at first. But now it’s become clear that Amy truly believes she was meant to be British and however many times I remind her she’s from Ohio, she won’t stop saying 'you Yanks wouldn’t understand.' Suddenly the cabinet is filled with Earl Gray and she won't watch anything besides the BBC as our American shows are 'bloody mindless.'"
Doctors are just now beginning to understand the varied effects produced by seasonal changes. “For some, it’s positive—,” says Dr. Sonny Shift “Oh, it’s fall–let’s crush a dozen cider donuts. For others, it’s depression. And for a select few, it’s a refusal to hear music on anything but vinyl."
“The sun is a powerful force.The Egyptians knew it–that’s why their most powerful God was the Sun God, Ra. Those pharaohs–if you asked them a few months after the construction of one of their pyramids, they would say ‘man, what was I on. You didn’t need to do all that for me. Who the sphinx did I think I was?”
For Joel Harris’s friends it’s now just a waiting game. “I know “Regular Joel” is in there waiting to come out,” says Jake. “Ready to share some sick apps at Applebees or share a hilarious Star wars meme. Under that Bansky Flower Thrower T-shirt and patched Tweed jacket is the heart of a man who has never uttered the words “cinéma vérité. I miss him, but he’ll be back, and my, how the jalapeno poppers will pop then.
“It’s like one minute he’s cool with watching the Avengers movies,” says Jake, a close friend, “and now he won’t stop talking about the Duplass brothers. If he mentions the Puffy Chair”one more time, I’m going to punch him."
The reason Harris’s friends are noticing such a dramatic change in Joel’s behavior is that Harris is suffering from Seasonal Affected Disorder. Affecting about 3% of the population, Seasonal Affected Disorder or (SAD) temporarily turns typically likeable people like Harris into insufferable turdwads bent on proving their superiority.
Amy Hopper is another SAD sufferer. Her roommate Jen noticed a change a week and a half ago when she found Amy skimming through The Fodor’s Guide to London. Jen asked whether hopper was planning a trip, to which hopper responded,” Well, you’re a right perceptive bird, innit?”
“The slang was endearing at first. But now it’s become clear that Amy truly believes she was meant to be British and however many times I remind her she’s from Ohio, she won’t stop saying 'you Yanks wouldn’t understand.' Suddenly the cabinet is filled with Earl Gray and she won't watch anything besides the BBC as our American shows are 'bloody mindless.'"
Doctors are just now beginning to understand the varied effects produced by seasonal changes. “For some, it’s positive—,” says Dr. Sonny Shift “Oh, it’s fall–let’s crush a dozen cider donuts. For others, it’s depression. And for a select few, it’s a refusal to hear music on anything but vinyl."
“The sun is a powerful force.The Egyptians knew it–that’s why their most powerful God was the Sun God, Ra. Those pharaohs–if you asked them a few months after the construction of one of their pyramids, they would say ‘man, what was I on. You didn’t need to do all that for me. Who the sphinx did I think I was?”
For Joel Harris’s friends it’s now just a waiting game. “I know “Regular Joel” is in there waiting to come out,” says Jake. “Ready to share some sick apps at Applebees or share a hilarious Star wars meme. Under that Bansky Flower Thrower T-shirt and patched Tweed jacket is the heart of a man who has never uttered the words “cinéma vérité. I miss him, but he’ll be back, and my, how the jalapeno poppers will pop then.